


runaway

by moontsukkis



Series: love and fall with junbob [2]
Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: M/M, References to Depression, bartender junhoe, happy new year everyone, producer jiwon, the other members are just mentioned, you guys are warned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-10-01 09:28:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17241746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moontsukkis/pseuds/moontsukkis
Summary: to a place where no one knows meto a place where no one looks for meraise me upi just can’t go on, take me awayi wanna runaway





	runaway

**Author's Note:**

> before you start reading, i want you guys to know:  
> 1) this isn’t a sequel to i love you. it’s a completely different story and i’m still contemplating if i should write a sequel to it lmao  
> 2) sorry if this was a letdown compared to i love you. i really struggled with this one bc for some reason i had a hard time writing in jiwon’s point of view
> 
> hope you guys enjoy though!

02\. runaway

 

 

_I’m tired of everything now_

_So I get mad at the smallest things_

 

 

“Can you not mess this one thing up?” Jiwon snarls at the person inside the booth. They’ve been repeating this part over and over again, because the singer couldn’t hit the right note.

 

‘They’re singers. Singing’s supposed to be the very thing they excel at.’ Jiwon thought as he shaked his head in frustration. He disregarded this recording too (this was probably the fifth time they had to repeat this), and pressed the button to start a new one.

 

“I’m sorry, can we try again?” The singer muttered into the microphone, feeling sorry for the producer who was clearly distressed and unhappy with how the recording was going.

 

“Please.” Jiwon replied. “Try harder. It’s just this one note. I can even sing it better than you.” He finished with a grunt.

 

Jiwon wasn’t like this before.

 

He was famous for being the producer that was happy-go-lucky and outgoing, instantly making the artists who go to him for help comfortable.

 

The key word: _was_.

 

These past few months, Jiwon felt empty. He had this depthless void in his heart that was slowly eating him up. It feels like everything’s falling apart even if it’s not. The things he used to love doing the most, producing, making music– it’s all meaningless now, and he feels exhausted by just existing.

 

Yunhyeong says it’s because he’s lacking inspiration. Chanwoo says it’s because he doesn’t make the effort to actually go out and have fun with people in the real world.

 

Real world?

 

Jiwon wanted to scoff. What is he, a child? And Chanwoo’s younger than him, for God’s sake. He should be the one lecturing the younger about the ‘real world’. He should really teach Yunhyeong’s boyfriend some manners when he has the time.

 

 

The singer just hung his head low in embarrassment.

 

Jiwon sighed, and he just pretended that nothing happened so that the singer won’t get humiliated further.

 

“Let’s try that again.”

 

 

 

_I’m on my way home alone and it’s noisy_

_But it’s only laughter that has nothing to do with me_

_So I keep my head low_

 

 

Jiwon walked towards their house with his hands shoved in his pocket, a desperate attempt to keep himself warm.

 

He kicked the pebbles laying on the sidewalk as he continued to stroll around the street. It was awfully dark today, the street lamps’ lights almost burning out. Jiwon couldn’t believe he’s still living in a gloomy place like this, but surprisingly, it fits him well.

 

He can hear his neighbor (who he thinks is someone who’s around his age) from two blocks away, screaming about something that sounded like a ‘Hanbinie’ and how he’s ruining the holiday spirit.

 

He ignored the loud booming voice as he looked at the lively house that stuck out like a sore thumb in the street. It’s still covered in Christmas decorations even though it’s been 3 days since the holiday.

 

“Hanbin-hyung, come on, put this sweater on for Junnie!” Jiwon heard his neighbor say, which drawed a laugh out of him. Who even calls themselves Junnie nowadays? His neighbors are seriously weird.

 

Strangely though, the nickname reminds Jiwon of someone he used to know, but he couldn’t pinpoint who was it exactly. Maybe it was someone from high school?

 

Too distracted by the blaring voices from next door, he didn’t even realize he reached their house already.

 

He let out a breath as he fumbled with his keys, struggling to open the rusty doorknobf. Once he did open it, he quietly stepped inside, careful not to make a sound.

 

 

_I ran crazily, not knowing I became an adult_

_Trying to pretend I live without worries so my mom won’t get worried_

 

 

“Jiwon? Are you home?”

 

Jiwon heard his mother ask from the kitchen. He removed his shoes at the front door, as he was no longer able to escape from the daily questioning. There was no point in trying to stay quiet.

 

“Yes, I’m here,” Jiwon uttered. He headed for the kitchen, enveloping his mom in a tight embrace as he let his head rest on his mother’s shoulder.

 

“My son.” She spoke, ruffling Jiwon’s hair endearingly. Jiwon let out a hum of acknowledgement. “Did you have fun today?”

 

“Of course mom.” Jiwon lied. He couldn’t let his mother know about what he truly felt. She couldn’t know about how

Jiwon felt like drowning and there’s no life vest to save him from continuously going down. Not when she’s expecting a lot from him.

 

“That’s nice to hear.” She replied. Jiwon watched her as she prepared the rice, rinsing it. She sensed Jiwon’s exhaustion, as she immediately ushered him up to his room. “Go upstairs and rest, I’ll call you once the food is ready.”

 

 

 

_When I get home, I wash up, turn off the lights and lay down_

_But now reality is heavier than dreams_

_I can’t sleep, so I sing_

 

 

Jiwon looked up at the ceiling, his arms and legse spread wide. He was so tired. He didn’t even do much today, just recorded one song with a solo artist, and then he was free to go home.

 

He feels like he has an invisible weight in his back, and today it just feels too much.

 

So he sings.

 

His deep and rough voiced echoed through the room’s four walls as he sang. He isn’t a good singer, he knows that himself, but for today, maybe he can let go. Maybe it’ll make him feel better.

 

Maybe.

 

 

 

_In the mirror_

_It’s not the me I used to know_

_I want to chase after my dreams_

_But responsibility weighs down on my shoulders_

 

 

“Jiwon-ah,” His mother calls him one morning, when Jiwon decided to stay home for a day. He just didn’t feel like going to work.

 

“Yeah?” He replied, burying his face in the arm rest of the couch. It was just 10 in the morning and he barely even moved his body, but it felt like he danced all day long when all he did was breathe.

 

“When are you going to find a real job?” She says. She’s in the kitchen again, washing her hands after cleaning up. Even though she was a bit far from Jiwon, he can still hear her words clearly.

 

“Mom, I have a job.” Jiwon counters. He was getting annoyed at this conversation. Every single time his mom had a chance to talk to him, she would ask him about when will Jiwon finally decide to find a “real” job.

 

Jiwon doesn’t get it.

 

His pay as a producer isn’t that bad. And he doesn’t even want to move his body when it comes to work, so how is he supposed to find a job when almost all of them needed hard work and perseverance?

 

“Jiwon-ah, you know those bills won’t pay themselves, right?” She reminded him, sitting down next to his son who was still avoiding her eyes.

 

“Ma, you know I’m doing my best. I’m doing what I love.” Jiwon retorted. He felt like all of his efforts to make this whole thing work were ignored.

 

“But son, it’s not enough.” She tried to let Jiwon understand. If this was a normal day, Jiwon would’ve let her continue that sentence. But he was in a sour mood today, and being the stubborn person he is, he cut her off.

 

“Ma, enough of this conversation. We did nothing but to talk about my job.” He said, before standing up and heading to the kitchen to grab some snacks.

 

He really needed to cool down.

 

 

 

_If you see my swaying_

_Please take me away, far away_

_I wanna runaway_

 

 

Jiwon headed straight for the bar right after a tiring recording. The singer who came to him today annoyed him a lot, did nothing but to complain about how Jiwon didn’t know what he was doing.

 

Jiwon always know what he’s doing. He might feel empty inside but if there’s one thing he’s so good at, one thing that he can do well even if he’s having a mental breakdown, it has to be producing.

 

But he couldn’t do it right today. He was fumbling with the buttons earlier, not knowing what to do with them even though he has spent his whole life holed up in that studio of his.

 

Jiwon sat at the stool he first laid his eyes on, resting his arm on the counter as he watched the people dancing in the middle of the floor let go of themselves.

 

Foolish.

 

He was like that too.

 

His train of thoughts were interrupted when a mellifluous voice filled his ears.

 

“Good evening. What can I get for you?”

 

He turned his head at the bartender who was currently speaking to him. And it was probably the first time Jiwon felt his heart pound in a while.

 

The said bartender had sharp eyes that Jiwon felt was piercing through him, and he had soft, luscious black hair that he wanted to run his fingers through. Jiwon swore he had never seen lips so full, and the light tint of pink on his cheeks made the man look adorable. He looked surprisingly familiar though, like Jiwon had met him before. Maybe he’s just out of it.

 

If Jiwon had met someone so beautiful before, he would have never missed the chance to talk with him.

 

“A martini would do,” Jiwon says, still staring at the male. The bartender– or should he say June (it says on his name tag, it’s not like he looked at it or something, it just caught his eye, really) just hummed in response, looking uninterested.

 

“Dry or wet?” He asks.

 

“Dry,” Jiwon answers right away.

 

Junhoe quirks an eyebrow at this and he moves off to grab a martini glass. Jiwon doesn’t miss the shy smile June puts on as he pours the vodka in the cocktail shaker.

 

Once he was done, Junhoe brings it over to Jiwon (who was staring intensely at him for some reason), but he doesn’t let go of the glass. “Olive garnish?”

 

“Not today, feel like it overpowers the drink.” Jiwon says, snatching the glass from Junhoe, their fingers touching. Junhoe instantly lights up at this, excitement bubbling inside him now that someone finally gets _it_.

 

“That’s what I thought!” He says. Jiwon chuckles at this, pleasantly shocked at the change of attitude, and Junhoe finally realizes he had one of his outbursts again. He ducks his head, embarrassed, before moving away with Jiwon’s card.

 

When he runs the card through the machine, Donghyuk steps closer to him and leans to whisper in his ear. “Who’s that guy and why do you look at him like _that_?”

 

Junhoe shrugs. “Don’t get funny ideas. He’s just someone that I _used_ to know.”

 

Donghyuk raises an eyebrow. “And you really expect me to believe that?”

 

“No, really, I used to know him.”

 

“Uh huh,” Donghyuk clicks his tongue, still waiting for answers. “And the plot twist is?”

 

“He doesn’t remember me.”

 

Then he moves away from the machine and Donghyuk, over to Jiwon who was sipping his drink. He slides the card over to him, and mumbles a small “thank you.”

 

He was just about to assist another customer when he heard Jiwon mutter something under his breath.

 

“Hey, don’t leave me alone just yet.”

 

Junhoe looked at him once more, at Jiwon who looked like he could _really_ use some company, before dragging a stool from under the counter. He sat right in front of Jiwon, with his face resting in his palm. The others can wait. And what was Donghyuk for if he can’t help Junhoe with the customers?

 

 

 

 

 

“You know, June,” Jiwon lazily says, now quite drunk. Junhoe looked around to see if anyone was paying attention to them.

 

He had given Jiwon the strongest drink they have minutes ago because Jiwon has been pestering about how he should try it, since it’s the first time he came to the bar.

 

Junhoe tried to tell him not to drink it, he really did, but the other was very persuasive and when he saw Donghyuk glaring at him, he couldn’t help but to give in. They weren’t supposed to say no to customers, and if Donghyuk told the manager, Jinhwan about it he would get a week worth of scolding from the oldest.

 

The reason why he didn’t want to give him the drink was because Junhoe wasn’t really looking forward to dealing with a drunk Jiwon.

 

They just met an hour ago, for pete’s sake.

 

And maybe it’s also because Junhoe found Jiwon attractive and he didn’t want to do anything that might offend theother. Especially now that he’s drunk.

 

“You’re very pretty.” Jiwon continued. He had this small smile etched on his face as he stared at the younger male. Junhoe felt his cheeks heating up, hands immediately moving to cover his blushing face.

 

Jiwon grinned at his reaction.

 

“But I really do think I know you from somewhere,” At hearing this, Junhoe slowly removed his hands as he looked at Jiwon. He stayed frozen in his seat, but lucky for him, Jiwon doesn’t seem to notice that he was tense.

 

“Maybe I’m just out of my mind. It’s weird that I’m super comfortable with you too. I’m not like that with anyone.”

 

Junhoe kept quiet.

 

“So, tell me more about you, June.”

 

Junhoe scratched the back of his head. “There’s really nothing interesting about me,” He said. Jiwon flailed his arms around, pretending to be mad. Junhoe find it extremely cute.

 

“Shush, everything about you is interesting.”

 

“You don’t know that.” Junhoe says, lips unconsciously turning into a pout.

 

“Oh trust me, I know what I said.” Jiwon spoke as he twirled his straw around.

 

“If you say so,” Junhoe smiles. “My name is Junhoe, not June. I just started using the latter since people always told me my name was hard to pronounce.”

 

“Well for me Junhoe definitely sounds better.” Jiwon countered, to which Junhoe replied with a soft laugh. Jiwon gestured for Junhoe to continue speaking. “I was born on March 31, 1997, and I have a cute little dog named Bbangdaeng.”

 

“March 31, huh..” Jiwon looked up, trying to remember whose friend was it that had the same birthdate. But his brain doesn’t really work well when he’s intoxicated, so thinking doesn’t really help.

 

“Does it ring a bell?” Junhoe asks, crossing his arms. Jiwon felt like he was being interrogated with the way Junhoe’s prying eyes look at him. He just shrugged it off. Maybe he’s just seeing things.

 

“Yeah, it does. It’s probably just a coincidence. But March suits you well.”

 

Junhoe couldn’t hold himself from laughing at the other’s statement. “What’s that supposed to mean?” Jiwon truly was truly one of a kind.

 

“It means whatever you want it to mean.” Jiwon says, clearly out of it. Junhoe just smiles.

 

“Aren’t you gonna ask me about myself?” Jiwon asks. The other shakes his head.

 

“ _No need to._ I don’t want to pry.” Junhoe explains. Jiwon doesn’t believe him, but he lets the younger be. He doesn’t feel like talking about himself too.

 

Jiwon suddenly leans in, his head in his hands, as he went on to stare at Junhoe. The younger finds it flattering, sure, but it was still making him uneasy. He shifts in his seat, wondering if he should speak up or let the older man continue with his actions.

 

There was only one thing on Junhoe’s mind the whole time. It was that Jiwon surely changed a lot since the last time they met.

 

Junhoe leaned in too, completely enthralled by the older. Their lips were only a few centimeters away from each other when Jiwon suddenly moved away, like he was burning.

 

Junhoe frowned at the rejection and he was about to ask Jiwon what was wrong, when the older just looked at him before he ran out of the bar, leaving Junhoe all alone.

 

Junhoe stares at Jiwon’s retreating back before sighing. He only moves from where he’s sitting when he feels Donghyuk’s hand patting his shoulder.

 

 

 

_To a place where no one knows me_

_To a place where no one looks for me_

_Raise me up_

_I just can’t go on, take me away_

_I wanna runaway_

 

 

Jiwon runs and runs.

 

He doesn’t know where will his feet take him, but he still runs like a madman. Like he’s escaping from someone who’ll lock him down forever. People are staring at him, sure, but he couldn’t care less.

 

He finally stops when he reaches a secluded area in the neighborhood. It’s dark, full of tall trees and there are lots of branches laying around, as if someone has already been here.

 

He fights his way through the trees, moving the branches out of his way. He looked down when he accidentally stepped on something, only to discover it was a switch. He paid no mind and continued walking forward. When he finally reached the end of what it seemed like a forest, his mouth gaped in awe at what he saw.

 

It was the most beautiful place he had ever seen.

 

It was a cliff and the trees surrounding it had beautiful Christmas lights attached to it, placed from one tree to another like vines. Some were dangling down from the branches. Jiwon found it beautiful.

 

There was a plain white mat laid down on the ground, surrounded by red and white chrysanthemums on it’s sides. Jiwon moved closer and he sat down on the mat, hands touching the flowers.

 

No longer paying attention to the flowers, Jiwon looked at the sight that was in front of him. From up here, he can see the bright stars lighting up the sky, and the city lights that shone so prettily. It was such a sight, Jiwon never wanted to leave.

 

How come he had never seen this before?

 

He slowly laid down on the mat, and thought about what had happened earlier. How he can’t remove the smile off his face when he started talking to Junhoe.

 

It was all new to Jiwon. This was the first time in months where he felt genuinely happy, and it was like he hasn’t been feeling empty when he was with the younger.

 

It scared him.

 

How one person can easily change him, how one person can affect him so much. Not even his own friends and family can make him feel that way. And it doesn’t excite him at all. He had to run away.

 

He doesn’t know how to deal with his emotions. It has always been him feeling horrible and tired, trapped in this pitch black pit with no way to get out.

 

He had always felt dead, and Junhoe made him feel like he was _alive_.

 

He didn’t know what to do.

 

 

 

_I have a habit of thinking mistakes are failures_

_I don’t wanna fail so I keep stopping my efforts_

 

 

Since that eventful night, Jiwon stopped going to the studio. He has locked himself up in his room, and he only goes out to eat lunch, running back to his room right after to avoid conversing with his mother.

 

He started writing songs in his room, mostly about his emotions, and sometimes about the man who made his heart beat faster way more than he should.

 

Jiwon was spinning his chair in circles, out of ideas to write for the next stanza he was about to write when he heard knocks coming from outside. He remained silent.

 

“Jiwon-ah?” It was his mother.

 

He didn’t say a word and just stared at the door as if it would budge open.

 

“I’m going outside. I have to go to work,” She said. “You know where the keys are, right? I also had food prepared downstairs. Come down if you’re hungry.” And then he heard footsteps, the sound of a door shutting, an indication that his mother had left.

 

Jiwon let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

 

During the whole time he had isolated himself, his mom had started looking for work because Jiwon had stopped going out. And that, surprisingly, pulled at the strings of his heart.

 

His mother did nothing but to support him in his endeavours, even when Jiwon decided to change courses all of a sudden. She didn’t want him to do so, because it would be “a waste of money, and taking music won’t land you in a stable job,” but she still stayed by his side.

 

He felt guilty.

 

He wanted to make it up to her somehow.

 

 

 

_Cause I don’t wanna get hurt, I avoid new encounters_

_It’s better to cry alone, no need to be cautious_

 

 

Jiwon cried himself to sleep that day.

 

He couldn’t get anything right, everything was going downhill, and he had never felt so bad for himself and for all the people who cared for him. He didn’t deserve any of those.

 

He turned his back on the only thing he was good at. He shut himself out, and he persisted in being caged inside these four walls that he felt were closing him in.

 

He’s slowly crumbling, the numbness taking over his body, and everything is just becoming too much. He wanted it all to end.

 

But the thought of ending his suffering just hurt his brain. He’s doesn’t even want to move from where he’s at.

 

 

 

The next morning, Jiwon wakes up to his mother sitting on his bed, who was watching him as he slowly wakes from his deep slumber.

 

“Ma,” he mutters, his voice hoarse. He rubbed his eyes to see if he was dreaming. He doesn’t remember unlocking the door last night, so how did she get in?

 

“I have spare keys.” She said, as if she can read Jiwon’s mind. She started shaking them to show Jiwon. “I prepared you food, it’s been a while since you ate breakfast. You always come down at lunch. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, you know?”

 

“I know that, ma.” He grumbles, sitting up. He gets the tray from his mother, placing it on his lap. He takes a scoop of the soup she has prepared, humming.

 

“Jiwon-ah.”

 

Jiwon looks at her in the eyes with his mouth still full.

 

“You wanna go out with me? It’s been a while since you last saw the sun.” She ends with a chuckle, trying to light up the atmosphere. Jiwon just shook his head as he continued eating.

 

His mother just sighs.

 

“Take all the time you need, honey.” She says, standing up. She takes one last look at Jiwon who barely paid her attention before she goes straight for the door. Jiwon watches her as she leaves.

 

She then turns around.

 

“Oh, and someone named Junhoe called two days ago. He was a sweet child. I wanted to let him talk to you but I know you won’t get out of your room even if he’s on the line, so I told him to call some other time.”

 

The door closes and Jiwon’s spoon drops to his tray.

 

 

 

_I lay on my bed but it doesn’t feel like home_

_I just wanna go far away_

_Even if the sun rises tomorrow, even if there’s hope_

_The words “good morning”_

_Mean nothing to me, so I sing_

 

 

It’s another day of Jiwon feeling worn out.

 

He’s home, but he doesn’t feel like he’s home. He’s supposed to be at ease here but he’s not. It’s supposed to be comforting, right where he’s currently laying down, but it feels like his bed’s enveloping him in a tight hug that suffocates him and he can’t escape.

 

He wants to sleep forever.

 

But before he takes his rest, for the very last time he sings. It will be the last time the world will hear his voice, his cries and pleas for help.

 

He sings and sings, getting louder and louder each line. He’s practically yelling now, not caring if he wakes his neighbors. It will be the last time anyway.

 

 

 

Junhoe stops on his tracks when he hears a loud singing voice from the house next door. The guy wasn’t a bad singer at all, but the fact that he also heard sobs along with it was what truly concerned him.

 

He stays at his place when he realizes the voice sounded familiar.

 

It can’t be.

 

He places the milk he has on his hands on the desk, before walking towards the window to confirm his assumptions.

 

In the window right across his, there he saw Jiwon singing his heart out, with tears spilling down his cheeks as he now struggles to say the right words.

 

He stays there, right in front of the windows, trying to hear and understand the words Jiwon was saying. When he finally put the pieces together, he was stunned.

 

Junhoe has never ran so fast in his entire life.

 

 

 

_My eyes in the mirror_

_My feet that broke down_

_The man in the mirror_

_Keeps looking at me, strangely_

 

 

He heads for the bathroom right after he sang. He’s exhausted from all the singing, and on top of that, he feels sleepy.

 

Jiwon splashes the cold water onto his face and he looks at his disheveled appearance in the mirror.

 

His eyes were blank, and those little bags that were under his eyes had became larger. He was pale, he looked like someone whose life was sucked out of his body. What has happened to him?

 

He pressed his hands against his cheeks, gently drying his face right after. He went out of the bathroom, and he plopped down on the bed, his back against it.

 

He’s worthless.

 

 

 

_It’ll be alright_

_At the end of this wandering_

_The me that I will find_

_Is waiting_

 

 

Jiwon’s eyes open from his quick nap when he heard noises coming from outside his window. He stood up and walked to it, curious– who would’ve possibly decided to be awake at this time, and annoyed– because whoever that is just ruined his rest.

 

He opened the window and he looked down, only to see a pebble flying right above his head. He ducked down in fright. Oh whoever that person is, they’re gonna have to face the wrath of an angry Jiwon.

 

Jiwon was about to tell the person off, but once he saw who it was, his jaw dropped and he immediately backtracked.

 

There was Junhoe, in all his mighty glory, grinning with pebbles in his hands. He had one in his hands, like he was readying to throw another one before Jiwon opened his window.

 

“Junhoe?”

 

“Hyung,” Junhoe says happily.

 

“What are you doing here?” Jiwon asks.

 

“Can you please let me in first?”

 

“Oh right,” Jiwon says, as he opens his bedroom door for the first time. He dashes down the stairs, reaching for the knob. He relaxes when he sees a smiling Junhoe on the other side of the door.

 

“Come inside.”

 

 

“Care to enlighten me about how you’ve been avoiding me for days?” Junhoe questions, sitting comfortably in the edge of Jiwon’s humongous bed.

 

“I haven’t been avoiding you.” Jiwon denies, hugging his Pooh doll close to him. “I’m just better off alone.”

 

“Who says?”

 

When he was met with silence, Junhoe lays down right next to him. “I won’t ask anything since I’m not in the position to. But you know, I’m always here for you.”

 

Jiwon hums. He doesn’t want to talk about it. Not now, at least. Maybe some other time. “How did you know that I live here?”

 

“I’m your neighbor, silly.” Junhoe laughs and Jiwon tilts his head in confusion.

 

“You’re Junnie?” Jiwon asks, astonished.

 

“You heard that?” Now it’s Junhoe’s turn to be surprised. He glances at Jiwon with his eyes wide. The older just grins.

 

 

 

_I’ve lost my way_

_I can’t go on, I’m too tired_

_Please take me away_

_It’s hard to breathe_

 

 

“Hyung, do you wanna go for a drive? I know a place where you can wind up.” Junhoe offers, breaking the silence.

 

Jiwon looks at him and thinks about it throughly. Maybe a ride with Junhoe before it’s all over won’t hurt. “Come on, let’s go downstairs.” He says, smiling when he sees Junhoe’s reaction.

 

Junhoe jumps in excitement, before pulling Jiwon’s hand, tugging him down the stairs. Jiwon was laughing at the younger, and even though he was stumbling as they ran, he didn’t stop his laughter.

 

Once Jiwon stopped, he realized Junhoe had dragged him to his garage. He looked at Junhoe accusingly. “Do you have a car, Junhoe?”

 

Junhoe beamed at him. “I figured maybe we could use yours?”

 

Jiwon sighed. “Well, do you know how to drive?”

 

Junhoe visibly deflated. “Well, I figured maybe you could drive because I don’t know how to?”

 

Jiwon rolls his eyes and the younger claps joyfully before running to the other side of the car. “I call shotgun!”

 

“You better. You’re making me drive and the least you can do is to not make me look like a driver.” Jiwon grumbles, but his fond eyes as he looks over to Junhoe who’s fixing the seatbelt says otherwise.

 

 

 

“Then you turn left.” Junhoe says. He gestures for Jiwon to stop driving when he sees the place.

 

“Let’s go hyung!” Junhoe says, removing his seatbelt as he got out of the car. Jiwon shook his head, smiling as he got out too. They walked for about a minute when Jiwon spoke up. “When you told me to stop the car, I thought we were there. You didn’t tell me we had to walk.”

 

“It’s my haven, I don’t want anyone to know about it.” Junhoe said as they continued to walk. Jiwon nodded, even though he knows Junhoe won’t see.

 

Now that he’s walking right behind Junhoe, he can see the distinct features of the younger. How broad his shoulders were, and how tall he is despite being years younger than him. His fluffy black hair was bouncing as he walked, and the slight swaying of his hips caught his attention. He was beautiful even if he has his back turned on Jiwon.

 

Once Junhoe stopped, Jiwon took the chance to take a look at the place. He instantly recognized the branches laying on the ground, and he turns to Junhoe to confirm if this place was really what he was talking about.

 

The younger just had a big grin on his face as he walked forward, and Jiwon’s questioning stare went unnoticed.

 

It’s the same place where Jiwon ran off to when he met Junhoe that evening.

 

When Junhoe sits down on the mat, he pats the space right next to him, inviting Jiwon to sit with him. The older complies.

 

“This place helped me a lot especially when I was feeling blue,” Junhoe started as he stared at the magnificent view of the city. “I decorated this place a bit the second time I came here.” He added, while pointing to the lights hanging on the trees. Junhoe then patted the very mat they were sitting on, and he gazed at the flowers that were laying on them.

 

Jiwon mimicked his actions, touching the flowers that were on his side. He wanted to say how this place had helped him too when he was perplexed, but Junhoe wasn’t finished talking yet.

 

“I once had a friend that always told me ‘You look so much better when you smile.’” Junhoe chuckled to himself, before looking at Jiwon to see if he remembers anything.

 

Jiwon froze. He heard that phrase before.

 

“I want to tell it to you too. I know you’re troubled,” The younger said, now fiddling with his fingers, nervous. “And I don’t want to push you into telling me. We’re not that close anyways.” He ends with an awkward laugh, still not looking up.

 

Instead of replying, Jiwon just closes his eyes and lays down on the mat.

 

 

_“Jiwon-hyung!”_

_“Junnie!” Seven-year old Jiwon screams, arms stretching wide to engulf the younger in a warm and affectionate hug._

_“What’s with all the luggages?” Five-year old Junhoe says, removing his arms that were wrapped in Jiwon’s back._

_Jiwon stayed silent, just looking at the younger, hoping that he’ll understand. But Junhoe doesn’t look at him. The younger just taps at his shoulder, demanding for answers._

_“Hyung, you’re leaving?”_

_“June-ya...”_

_“You’re leaving me, hyung?” Junhoe asks again, now looking at the older’s eyes. His own black eyes were glassy, and little Junhoe shakes Jiwon to get him to talk._

_Jiwon shushes the younger, placing his index finger in front of Junhoe’s lips. Junhoe just pouted as tears ran down cute, little, chubby cheeks. Jiwon wiped them away with his thumbs. “Hyung.”_

_“June-ya, I’ll be back soon. Okay?” He reassures Junhoe, before pulling him again into a long hug. Little Junhoe just cried against his shoulder, his cries muffled._

_“Where are you going?” Junhoe says, head still buried in Jiwon’s shoulder. Jiwon rubs his hand in Junhoe’s back, comforting the younger. “Not far away. I’ll be back, you know I won’t leave you behind.”_

_Jiwon glances at his mom who’s looking at them, signalling her that he had to talk to the younger before they leave._

_“Koo Junhoe.”_

_“Hm?”_

_“Can you promise me that you’ll wait for me?”_

_“You don’t have to tell me that, hyung,” Junhoe sniffles, hands tightening his grip on the older. Jiwon wanted to coo at the how adorable the younger is._

_Once Junhoe calmed down, Jiwon let him go. He patted Junhoe’s shoulder, smiling at him who’s staring at him sadly. “ **June-ya, you look so much better when you smile.** ”_

_“Are you saying that I’m ugly when I cry!” Little Junhoe says as he stomps his foot. Jiwon pinches his cheeks._

_“You’re the one that said that, not me!”_

 

 

“Junhoe.” Jiwon says, eyes fluttering open.

 

“Yeah?” Junhoe whispers as he stared at the night sky, now laying down beside Jiwon who turned to look at him.

 

“You never told me what was your surname.”

 

“Well, I didn’t think it would be necessary.” Junhoe says calmly. But deep inside, there were butterflies inside his stomach and he felt sick because of how nervous he is.

 

“Is it Koo?” Jiwon asks, and Junhoe’s breath hitches. Junhoe instantly shut down the idea of Jiwon remembering everything, and just thought that maybe it was just a lucky guess.

 

“Yeah, it is.” Junhoe mumbles. And Jiwon felt like the world has stopped.

 

He remembers everything now.

 

Koo Junhoe was the kid who he left back in Korea, before he and his family moved to Virginia. He was the kid who stood up for Jiwon when he used to be bullied for his big teeth and small eyes. He was the kid Jiwon would always go to if he was sad, even though Junhoe was younger than him. He was the kid who Jiwon promised he’ll come back to.

 

But he didn’t.

 

“You knew?” Jiwon asks, as if Junhoe already knows what he’s thinking about. He lets his eyes wander at Junhoe’s face, now seeing the features of that kid in Junhoe. He was so dumb not to notice.

 

The younger seems to have read his mind. “Yeah.”

 

Jiwon didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what words should he use. He was just, upset at himself. He should’ve known. How Junhoe’s nickname was Junnie, how comfortable he was when he was talking to Junhoe that night, how he didn’t ask for Jiwon’s introduction because he already knew who he was.

 

“I’m sorry I didn’t come back.”

 

Junhoe finally turns to look at him.

 

“Even if you don’t say sorry, you’re long forgiven.”

 

Jiwon swore he had never smiled so wide before.

 

 

 

_I’ve lost my way_

_Please hold my hand_

_I don’t know why I’m here_

_I wanna runaway_

 

 

“Don’t you dare leave me again now that I found you.” Junhoe then laughs. He holds Jiwon’s hand and when he felt the older man tense, he massaged his palm.

 

Jiwon kept quiet, but his small smile was enough of an answer for Junhoe. Jiwon gently raised Junhoe’s hand, placing it in front of his lips as he kissed the younger’s knuckles softly. Junhoe giggles at his actions, and Jiwon had wanted nothing more than to keep the younger in his pocket. To his eyes, Junhoe was the cutest.

 

“Can you sing me a song, hyung?” Junhoe says as he watches Jiwon. “I have only heard you sing once.”

 

Jiwon looks up at him. “You heard me sing?”

 

“Yeah,” Junhoe says. As soon as he sees the panic in the older’s face, he chuckles. “Don’t worry, it was only one time.”

 

“As if that can make me feel better.” Jiwon scoffs. Junhoe just runs his fingers through the other’s hair. “So, will you sing for me?” He asks once more.

 

“Okay. I’ll sing for you if it meant you’ll stop pestering me.” Jiwon sticks out his tongue when Junhoe pouts. “I’m not pestering you! I’m just curious!”

 

As he sings Junhoe the newest song he’s working on, to which he is yet to title, he pulls Junhoe closer to him, and he lets the younger’s head rest on his arm. “I won’t leave you too hyung, just so you know.” Junhoe tells him right before he sings the chorus.

 

 

_“To a place where no one knows me,_

_To a place where no one looks for me,_

_Raise me up,_

_I just can’t go on, take me away,_

_I wanna runaway.”_

 

 

A minute later, Junhoe falls limp with his arms laced around Jiwon. Soft snores were coming out of his mouth and Jiwon caressed the younger’s face tenderly.

 

“I like you a lot, June-ya,” He mutters, eyes soft with passion.

 

It’s only been days since they met, and he found himself fascinated with the younger. And now that he learned Junhoe was more than a greek god disguising as a bartender, but he’s also his childhood best friend who he treasured more than anything else, he couldn’t help but to be drawn more to him.

 

Forget sleeping forever. He has now a reason to wake up in the morning.

 

Forget the dark bottomless pit he’s been trying to escape from, he now has someone to pull him back up to the surface.

 

It won’t be easy, sure, but he has Junhoe to help him all the way. He won’t be alone anymore, and that would be a nice start.

 

“I now know why my bed doesn’t feel like home. You are my _home_ , Junhoe.” Jiwon says, head turning to look at the younger who was fast asleep. He sweetly kisses Junhoe’s forehead, and he returns his gaze to the shining stars above.

 

He doesn’t want to run away anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading. i’m not good at happy endings and stuff but i hope this was okay (i’m a sucker for angst lol) !! let’s continue to shower junbob w love and support this 2019 💙💜


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